Want to throw in the towel? Take back your power

How many times in your professional or personal life did you want to throw in the towel?    Have you played the I’ve been done wrong song’ and felt totally demoralised?  Well it could be the kick needed to take back your power.

Wanting to give up is a very human  reaction when facing constant obstacles, difficult situations and failures.  When hope and confidence has dwindled we just want to quit and dive under the bed covers as the struggle seems too much.    

And within that space all creativity and objectivity tends to fly out the door.  But the space doesnt serve you well.  As Dr Phil famously says “How’s that working for you’?  Again it’s human to wallow and blame and I so get it.

It can manifest in personal lives after broken marriages and relationships, betrayed friendships, physical and sporting goals seem out of reach etc.

You will hear people say things like: ‘I will never get married again’; , I will never trust a XYX again’; ‘I cannot do that’; ‘No one understands me’; ‘There are no good men/women out there’.

And in professional lives it’ heard in comments such as ‘I will never use XYX service again”; ‘I tried that before and it didn’t work’; ‘Everyone in that profession is useless’.  The list of bemoaning is endless isn’t it?

The when in the job search ecosystem we hear things like ‘All recruiters are useless’; ‘No one will listen to what I try and communicate about my skills’; ‘My age is always a barrier’; ‘I’m tired of trying to succeed in this profession or sector’.

Now don’t get me wrong regarding job search issues. They are real and ageism bites like a bloody dingo far too often.   But, and here is the but – you lose your power when sitting in a pot to apportion 100% blame on everyone else.

Burnout and a sense of helplessness dashes dreams, hopes and plans.  And those metaphorical towels of personal and professional exhaustion and confusion can wither on the floor for years through fear to self reflect and self-protection.

And the feelings, beliefs, responses and solutions are equally relevant to both the professional and personal.  Indeed more scarily so than many will admit.

DOING THINGS DIFFERENTLY

The famous quote (supposedly from Albert Einstein but that’s been refuted) is spot on when we face repetitive negative outcomes and issues:

‘ Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results’

Keep doing the same things in the exact same way, and no shite Sherlock, nothing will change. And it doesn’t and the mouse wheel of frustration and doom and gloom gets faster.  Those towels seem very appealing to chuck in eh.

And I see this time and time again in the careers and job searching. And as frustration and depression grows challenge and change is harder.

But change and challenge you must

We all adapt and re-evaluate how we show up.   And the truth is feeling like giving up is the warning bell to get the services and help needed.

As a job search strategist I know that a change of mindset, marketing approach and communications has a significant impact on success.    It’s also critical to hold your power by not being a puppet on the hiring ecosystem string.

Applying for roles with the same attitudes, behaviours and responses based on what you have always done will just not always work well.

And as frustration from job rejections, ageism, redundancies and other circumstances grows, success is further compromised.

Our thoughts and feelings are as loud as words and actions

Negative ones are felt, sensed and smelt by others at 1000 paces.  And in the job search and career change space, trust me everything you feel trickles out in some way.

MY PERSONAL TALE 

Let me share my own tale in wanting to give up.  It was back in late December 2011 where I picked up my personal towel off the floor for another crack at my hopes.

I was damn determined to not give up, despite historical evidence being contrary to success.  It was a sweltering hot Melbourne day when I ventured into the doorway of a funky wine bar with a new outfit and the hair all glam.

Thoughts were running wild as I crossed every body part that this meeting would be different with the hope of success. A mixture of excitement, anticipation and nervousness jumped all over me.

Even though I am a bold extrovert, I still felt those butterflies in my stomach jumping around.  Remember as an aside, that no matter how confident we appear on the outside, the inside voice of self-doubt is often deafening.

Now this was not a business meeting or a new client pitch but an RSVP online date. It was indeed the 20th RSVP date I had clocked up during that year of 2011.  Was I a sucker for punishment or just delusional? It was neither. I just had strong intent and belief.

In those 12 months I met several men who I liked very much but the feelings weren’t mutual. Conversely, many thought I was the bee’s knees but I didn’t feel the same way.   And there were a couple of real nasties in that mix together with some delightful guys who became close platonic friends.

But the right match had been elusive and I refused to simply settle for anyone. I was determined to attract my ideal mate.

Ah, the myriad of emotions that one feels at being ‘rejected’ and also being ‘the rejecter’.  This by the way is exactly the same feelings in the job search ecosystem.

But I just never gave up – with my Mum’s mantra singing in my psyche – ‘where there is life there is hope’.

It was bloody hard mind you not to pack it all in and move to an isolated hut in the bush never to return to dating and relationships again.

But there was this niggle inside that just wouldn’t let me wallow for more than a week or so at a time. Albeit under a doona with a gin and tonic or three by my side.

Now my relationship story goes far deeper than just the 12 months prior to the auspicious date of 29 December 2011 which would change my life forever.

On that date there I was at 51 years old with two failed marriages and three broken engagements behind me.

Yes, my relationship history was rather unfortunate to say the least. But I took responsibility for all of it in some way and didn’t play the ‘I’ve been done wrong’ song or ‘there are no good men out there’.

But I never gave up hope that the right relationship was out there waiting somewhere.

But (and here’s the rub) to meet my ideal partner I needed to look pretty candidly at myself, reflect and work on the changes needed for better tomorrows.

I upped the ante on self responsibility.  I invested time into becoming emotionally, spiritually and physically fitter. I attended and watched many self development courses and invested in counselling sessions to lose the old attitudes.

I wanted to be the sort of person that a soulmate would be attracted to. I focussed on being the best version of me, not a different me but the highest version of my potential and goals.  

Oh and I have been happily married to that man from the wine bar in Dec 2011 since.

GOING FORWARD

The way forward is to fearlessly redress your thoughts, beliefs and how you approach applying for roles or changing careers.

You need to bolster your your confidence for a better tomorrow.  As music legend Gloria Estefan’s sang in her beautiful hit song Always Tomorrow :

But there’s always tomorrow to start over again
Things will never stay the same
The only one sure thing is change
That’s why there’s always tomorrow

I wrote and just launched my  Job Search & Career Marketing Action Guide  for professionals to build confidence and do things differently and take back their power.

Job Search & Career Marketing Action Guide

Everyone deserves to achieve the relationship and career hopes and goals that are meaningful to them.  So grab that towel off the floor ok.